14 Ways to Make Your Divorce as Painless as Possible, According to A Therapist
March 1, 2019
Unfortunately, when the wedding bells ring we're not walking down the aisle thinking it will end in a divorce attorney's office. However, between 40-50% of married partners in the United States do end up divorcing. Ending a marriage is never easy, but there are certain steps you can take to minimize the emotional turmoil.
Licensed therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, LSCW, and psychotherapist Linda Esposito, LCSW are providing the best ways to cope with divorce:
When giving the news to family members, make it short and sweet.
One of the first roadblocks for divorce is telling your loved ones. The licensed therapists recommended when telling loved ones about your marriage ending it's important to be direct and honest.
Don't feel obligated to give detailed explanations for your divorce
Although your loved ones care about you and possibly your soon to be ex, your divorce is between you and your partner. You don't owe anyone else an explanation. Be honest and authentic, they ultimately care about your well-being and want the best for you.
Be prepared for the possibility that your ex-partner may change radically during the divorce process.
Once a couple has reached the point of divorce there will likely be a change in your relationship dynamic. Be prepared to see the negative side of your partner. Divorce can bring out the worst in partners, it's important to be emotionally prepared for the worst.
Sometimes, equal custody of children isn't ideal for anyone.
Obviously, both parents will want an equal amount of time with their children. However, this is not always the best option. Keep in mind your geography, work schedules, and finances when deciding custody of your children.
Don't pull the children into the emotional side of divorce.
The licensed therapists said one of the worst things divorce couples can do is involve their children in their personal emotional problems. The changing status of your relationship with your former spouse should not undermine your relationship with your children.
It's crucial to make sure you're getting the emotional support that you need.
Divorce represents the end of one of the most important relationships in your life. Without having your former spouse to lean on, it can leave you without the emotional support you're used to. Reach out to your family members and friends so you have support through this difficult time.
Consider joining a divorce support group
Even with the help of your friends and family, it might not be enough. Seeking a divorce support group can guide you through the divorce process and help you cope with other people who are going through the same thing.
Having a prenuptial agreement can make divorce much easier.
Newlywed couples actually get a default prenuptial agreement whether they realize it or not – it's called state law. When two people divorce and don't have their own agreements in place, they need to defer to the law to understand how property will be disbursed. This is why a prenup agreement or postnup could be a good idea. Having the conversation about a prenup or postnup can show newlyweds how the other person envisions the partnership in the future.
Mediation isn't always the best option for every couple.
Divorce mediation is when a couple uses a neutral third party professional mediator to settle property, custody tax, and financial support issues outside the legal system. However, mediation isn't always the best option for some couples. There might be an imbalance of power between a couple. An imbalance of power between a couple would then result in one couple dominating the less powerful spouse in order to achieve their desired outcome.
Even if you do use mediation, you should probably involve a lawyer at some point
Depending on your situation mediation might be a smart route for your divorce. However, it's usually worth acquiring the help of a lawyer at some point to make sure your agreements make good legal sense.
You may need to accept that assets might not be divided equally.
Splitting shared assets down the middle makes sense, but this is rare for most divorced couples. Instead of focusing on every dollar being split equally, it's more helpful to focus on trying to resolve the divorce as efficiently and peaceably as possible.
We've shared a few of the most important ways to make your divorce as painless as possible according to therapists, however, read the full 14 ways on INSIDER by Sophia Mitrokostas. If you're struggling with a divorce, contact David Veliz at the Veliz Katz Law today.