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Parents should only let their children know that they’re getting divorced until after they have already filed, found a new home for the parent who is moving out, have furnished it and have a concrete move-in date. They need a completed and specific plan to avoid anxiety. If you have more than one child, tell your children together and then discuss age-specific issues with children one-on-one and as needed. Watch kids extra close After sharing your news with your child, pay attention to what your child says- or doesn’t say- and say their behavior, says Frank J. Sileo, Ph.D., Ridgewood psychologist. Behaviors exhibited by your child that might need professional help/therapy: Crying periods Depression Anxiety Decreased school performance Decreased interests in activities Acting out at home or school (via tantrums or emotional outbursts) Professional help can help alleviate pain, process feelings and thoughts, open up communication, and help prevent future problems. Consider contacting your child’s teacher It’s smart to inform educators at your child’s school about your divorce/separation. Reassure your kids they’re not to blame It’s typical for kids to look for reasons why their parents are getting divorced. However, As a parent, it’s vital to keep the communication door open. Dr. Sileo said, “kids are naturally egocentric and think that their thoughts or behavior cause events.” Don’t take their anger against you to heart Children also have the tendency to become angry and look for someone to blame. Normalize their feelings and don’t take it personally. Acknowledge that kids are quite intuitive Kids can sometimes tell if your marriage is heading towards a divorce. Choose your words wisely If you’re getting divorced mainly because of an extramarital affair, Dr. Mann suggests leaving that detail out when it comes to the kids- at first. Here’s why: “Telling children about an affair only creates more angst for them…. Children don’t realize issues are complex. In addition, it sets them up to late either have affairs or else choose someone who will cheat on them.” Seek professional guidance If you’re still not sure how to break the news to your child, consult with a relationship therapist. If you’re going through a divorce with children involved, consult David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law to help make the journey as smooth as possible. Read the full  article  now by Rachel Sokol at Reader’s Digest.

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It’s inevitable that both parties will be scarred after a divorce. However, here’s six steps you can take action in now which can ensure you are financially protected. Gather Your Financial Records Gather ALL your financial records which will tend to be five years’ worth of documents. The documents should include: Tax returns Payroll Stubs Benefits information Investment accounts Property information Having evidence and organization when it comes to these documents will royally help you during the divorce and protect you in case something goes missing 2. Inventory your assets As your gathering your documents it is a good idea to start an inventory of all your assets. Separate property is anything you owned before the marriage: gifts solely given to you, or inheritances. Anything acquired during the marriage is free game and considered marital property. Take digital, date-stamped photos of your valuables. It is likely for things to go missing once the process starts. 3. Monitor your credit report In order to emerge from the divorce as fiscally unscathed as possible, you need to be fully aware of your current financial situation. Be sure to obtain your own copy of your credit report and pay close attention to any outstanding debts. 4. Open individual accounts Try using a bank other than the one you and your spouse are currently using this could be the safest option. Open checking accounts, savings account, and credit card in your name only. This way you can build and strengthen your personal credit history. 5. Know (and cut) your expenses Divorces are costly and you’ll need to redraw your budget. It is important to determine how you will accommodate the expenses associated with the divorce and your new, single life. 6. Speak with a certified divorce financial analyst A CDFA is trained to support you through your difficult time and ensures you are as financially healthy as possible once the divorce is said and done. If the divorce process isn’t handled properly and effectively it can leave lingering financial implications for your future. An attorney is indeed an expert in a state’s laws but not a financial one. Protect yourself Divorce is a painful process, but by getting your finances in order, you can help protect yourself from even greater pain. Read the full  article  by Shawn Leamon at nerdwallet.com and learn more about protecting your finances during, before, and after a divorce. If you’re looking for legal assistance to help you through the divorce process contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law.

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The question of what you leave behind can be especially fraught for people who do not have heirs. Karen Malone Wright, 62, founder of TheNotMom.com a website for childless women- and an only child with no kids herself- she’s never been able to shake the feeling of being the last one to turn the lights out. Ms. Malone Wright noted that even if you have a child either by choice or circumstance you have no way to control where your child carries your legacy; it might not be a direction you would choose. You don’t have to be rich, a genius or a world-renowned luminary to leave a lasting impression on people’s lives and generations to come. Here are some ways to leave a legacy when you don’t have genetic offspring. Get it in writing The biggest obstacle when leaving money or assets to loved ones, institutions or charities is overcoming procrastination and putting a plan in place. “Put serious thought into what matters to you most in life and do this for yourself, for your own peace of mind,” said M. Eileen Dougherty, an accredited estate planner and president of the National Association of Estate Planners and Councils. Ms. Dougherty recommends three necessary documents: A valid will that meets the requirements of one’s legal state of residence Power of attorney Health care power of attorney and secure people as backups. “If you don’t write it down, the government decides what your estate plan is, so why not take the time to have properly drafted documents and then take them out once a year and see if they still make sense,” she said. Preserve your family history Put your best life advice in writing. Share your experiences, triumphs, and favorite recipes this way your personality can live on even when you’re gone. Don’t forget that the recipient must be on board and agree to save what you send. Kathleen W. Hinckley, a certified genealogist and executive director of the Association of Professional Genealogists, encourages those who do not have children to collate any important family mementos. “Cousins that you may have, or nieces and nephews, might love to receive whatever family heirlooms or history that you have to pass on,” she said. Be your own biographer: “write a story, booklet, or book, however advanced you want it to be.” If family members were part of the early history of the area, donate images to a historical society or an archivist. Photos that include a main street or houses that no longer exist could be greatly appreciated by history buffs. Support institutions you find meaningful Giving money to schools is another way non-parents cement their legacy. However, before doing so, discuss your intentions with the institution you have in mind. If you choose to set up an academic scholarship in your name, it’s important to keep plans flexible. Champion worthy causes Whatever drives you- consider taking a more active role in a cherished cause or leaving money or assets to a worthy organization that reflects your values. Do your research before you give away your hard earned dollars. This way you can be sure it’s going exactly where you want it to. Overall, the most important thing is to have a plan. Prince, Jimi Hendrix, and Howard Hughes offer cautionary tales because they died without a will. “What happens in most of those cases, particularly if the estate’s of any size, there’s litigation that pursues, and charities are just left out,” said Ginger Mlakar, senior counsel and director of donor relations at the Cleveland Foundation. “Many people associate estate planning strictly with death,” Ms. Dougherty said. “This is really about making sure what you want happens.” For more information regarding your legacy contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law and he can guide you through the appropriate steps for a lasting legacy. To read the full article by Anna Goldfarb at the New York Times click  here.

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Marrying and divorcing a narcissist is rough, but co-parenting with a narcissist is almost impossible. However, awareness of the narcissist’s dysfunctional tactics protects the parent struggling in this situation. Once these relational patterns are identified, it is easier to co-parent with a narcissist. Here are some tips when dealing with a narcissist: Expect nastiness and ignore. Backhanded comments and character attacks are a narcissist’s favorite pastimes. A narcissist’s goal is to elicit an emotional response. However, if you are prepared for it it makes it easier to ignore. Be aware of triangulation. A narcissist loves to align one person, or group of people, with them and against another person. Making you the “bad guy” against your kids may be frequent. Deflect this by following these guidelines: Decide if the situation is safe or unsafe. For example, if the narcissist allows the kids to eat ice cream for breakfast, he is not risking their safety. Although this is not ideal, do your best to ignore it. If the situation is unsafe, it is important to act. Educate your kids on safety. Empower and encourage them to be safe at all times, especially when you are not present. Document the date and time the incident occurred and save the information Calmly email your ex and ask him to be safe with your kids. If he starts to become hostile, ignore him. You have documented the incident, which is critical. Do not succumb to threats or guilt. The narcissist wants to rattle your cage when you are enjoying your kids. Ignore him. Resurrect a healthy boundary and protect your time with the kids. Be aware of the narcissist’s tendency to play favorites. Although it is upsetting to watch this unfold with your kids, a narcissist has minimal ability to understand another person’s perspective if it differs from his. Instead, encourage the kids to share their feelings. When they do, empathize with their feelings. Parent with empathy. A narcissist lacks empathy, which is what a child needs to thrive emotionally. They are able to sympathize because they become the saver and rescuer, which strokes their ego. Yet, pity strips children of their self-efficacy and teaches them to play the victim. The parent without a narcissist personality will need to compensate for the narcissist’s lack of empathy by ensuring they are remaining emotionally attuned to their child, honoring their feelings, and empowering/encouraging. Believe in yourself, the parent with empathy, and stay calm. Narcissists will often eventually trip over their own ego. If you’re co-parenting with a narcissist find out your custody rights and protect your family with David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law. Read the full article at  Co-Parenting with a Narcissist.

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A divorce can be financially devastating. Many people will lose half or more of everything they’ve saved over their lifetime. This may include: Their home Retirement Business Investments Additionally, divorcees often see their income wither while their expenses explode. Without a doubt, divorce is bad news financially. However, all is not lost. In fact, there are plenty of ways to improve your situation significantly. Specifically, if you’ve gone through a divorce recently, here are eight ways to get you back on track as quickly as possible. Do Not Panic or Waste Energy We know this is much easier said than done, but you need every ounce of energy you can muster to rebuild your financial life. Don’t waste time worrying, it doesn’t help. You are not powerless. You have many choices. Don’t sap the energy you need to get things back on track. Inventory Your Financial Life Whether or not you understand how finances and investments work it doesn’t matter. In time, you will improve your knowledge. Right now, it’s time to account for where you are by putting together an inventory of your financial life: Income Expenses Assets Liabilities I suggest you create a little spreadsheet or loose-leaf binder for each one. For each sheet make a line item entry with the type of account, amount, who owns the account, what the rate is and the contact information at each institution. You will be surprised at how empowered you feel after getting these in order and understanding your finances. Knowledge is power, friend-take advantage of it. Tap into your credit reports once a year, it’s free! Although you can’t check your spouse’s without their knowledge, it’s still a good idea to persuade your spouse to go over both your credit reports before the split. Balance Your Budget It is extremely important to keep track of inventory regarding your income and expenses. After a split, it may take time to re-adjust your new income/expense story. During the adjustment period, it’s easy to dig yourself into a debt pit without proper balancing of your budget. It’s okay if you’re unsure about your average spending, but start to keep track now. With it, you’ll know if you need to cut back or get back into the workforce unless your situation is stable. If your spending exceeds your income, it may not be pretty. But you are better off knowing what the situation is than ignoring it. Make Sure Your Accounts Are Set Up Correctly If you are divorced, your legal representative is responsible to advise you on how to take title to your accounts and also, who the beneficiaries should be on your accounts (most important for retirement accounts). Don’t try to be your own attorney. Find good and sound legal advice when it comes to proper vesting and naming your beneficiaries. Identify Priorities Divorce often comes as a shock. It feels as if everything is coming at you all at once. That’s understandable but dangerous. People with too much on their plate can become overwhelmed and freeze up. If you found you don’t have enough income to balance your monthly budget that has to be your first priority. If you (and your children, if any) depend on your ex-spouse for continued support, make sure they are required to buy life insurance and name you (+ any children) as beneficiaries. If budgeting isn’t the biggest problem, great. What do you want to focus on? Improve your finances? Finding new work? Moving? Make yourself a list of everything you want to accomplish and make an action plan/time frame. Pick Your Team It can be difficult to put yourself back together financially. If your situation requires it, don’t be shy about getting expert tax, legal, and financial advice. Make sure your team empowers you and makes you feel comfortable. This is a hard time, find a team that can support you in all aspects. If you feel intimidated or confused, move on, it’s your money. You have the right to expect a professional team. Learn You’ll learn a great deal about finance when you start taking inventory, balancing your budget, creating a priority list, and assembling a strong team. Devote 20-30 minutes a day to expand your education. Never stop, keep the wagon rolling. Use your resources. You can never learn too much. Plan Take these steps and you’ll be on your way to a more solid financial footing than when you first divorced. If you really want to be ahead of the herd, create a financial plan for yourself. A financial plan tells where you’ll likely end up if you continue on your current path and what you might want to do differently in order to have a different outcome. Of course, if you already have a financial plan, keep it up to date so it can reflect the changes in your financial situation. These eight steps won’t change your life overnight, but over time it can improve your situation drastically. In the meantime, empower yourself: There is nothing you can’t do. Take a breather. Don’t rush. Rebuilding your life after a divorce isn’t as hellish as it seems. If you’re in need of legal advice regarding your divorce contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law. You don’t have to rebuild your life alone, the team at Veliz Katz Law can help rebuild your life with you. To read the full article by Neal Frankle from Credit.com check it on  here.

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If you’ve been through or are in the midst of facing a divorce, by now you understand the difficulty that comes with the process. Unfortunately, those with children have long-term effects with the decisions of co-parenting. Co-parents are defined as the legal guardians/parents of a child. Whatever situation your divorce has put you in, it’s important to follow a few guidelines when moving forward to save time, energy, and money spent on future mediation. 1. No matter what, it’s all about the kid’s best interest. Divorced parents frequently fail to recognize the importance of the other parent present in their kid’s life. Even if your ex is incompetent or unreliable, it is better that the child realize this on their own rather than be sheltered from it. Otherwise, the child will likely imagine their other parent as a figure they can idolize or escape to when such fantasies can lead to severe harm. The rules should be the same in both households. The differences in parenting are one of the most common issues which lead to divorce. To keep things civil as possible, general expectations for the child should be congruent. Example: Be respectful. Be kind. Be patient. This puts basic standards into practice which give the child a sense of consistency without allowing too much room for co-parents to bicker over different rules. Plan ahead to eliminate confusion or miscommunication. To reduce frustration and unending questions from children about their schedule with you and their other parents, have an annual calendar with the days clearly marked as to where the child is staying. This should be in both parents’ homes. Now both parties are involved with constant access to all information ahead of time. Communicate with the co-parent via the internet. In order to avoid conflict, parents should keep verbal communication to a minimum. There are several online co-parenting websites such as www.ourfamilywizard.com which allows all communication to be recorded. This helps with future mediated issues and can help make information clear and concise. Keep your kids out of the middle of anything relating to the divorce. Kids are a product of both parents and, because of this, they can’t divide themselves in two. Let your children be open about their experience with the other parent and share it with you. Avoid encouraging false hope in your children. Parents should not confuse kids by letting them believe that there’s a possibility their parents will reunite. All kids already secretly want this because divorce leaves them feeling split in half. In their reality, a reunion between their parents will solve everything. Giving kids false hope not only feeds this unrealistic fantasy but also backfires on the parent making the claims. Distrust of the parent Be honest with your child. Depending on the age of the child and the nature of the divorce, eventually, all kids want to know why their parents separated. Parents shouldn’t lie or avoid the conversations. Answer only the question that the child asked in its simplest form. Blame should never be assigned in front of the child. As a child ages, more information can be carefully given but only if they ask for it. It is also necessary to reinforce the notion that the divorce had nothing to do with anything the child did or did not do. This practice helps relieve any unseen guilt and med deteriorating relationships between the child and their parent. Be cautious of who is introduced to the child. One or both parents will move forward with life and begin to date again. However, this process is for adults only and not for children. Kids can latch onto an adult very easily, especially when that adult is presented as safe and inviting. If the relationship deteriorates the child will have a hard time disconnecting with the new person. Resulting sometimes like a mini-divorce. When the adult relationship becomes serious, introduce the new partner as a friend first to ensure compatibility. Step-parents are assistant parents. The word step-parent can carry a negative connotation. The name is also not role-specific and leads to confusion over the boundaries of parenting. Use the word assistant parent. Immediately identifies the new partner’s role is part of the family unit. The assistant parent does not make parenting decisions, the legal parent does. Assistant parent helps enforce those decisions. Act like an adult. There will be many times in the child’s life that both parents, assistant parents, new siblings, and extended family will have to present at the same time. Parents should make a decision ahead of time to act professionally in front of the other parent for the sake of their child and family. All of the above are great ways to lead by example as a parent and create positive guidelines that are also essential for other relationships in the child’s future. Parents who treat co-parenting as a valuable life lesson will reap the benefits of a healthy adult relationship later, and a happier, healthier child. Read the  full article  by Christine Hammond at Psych Central Professional to ensure you’re making the best decisions as a co-parent. To learn more about co-parenting, the best options for co-parents, and your rights as a co-parent contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law.

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Are you a lovestruck millennial with wedding bells ringing around the corner? If you are, did you sign a prenup? Susan Shain from the New York Times has done the research regarding millennials and prenups. She’s telling readers all about the necessity of a prenuptial agreement for the millennial generation. Millennials are different from past generations. Women and men are both taking the role of the bread maker and they’re viewing a prenuptial agreement as a team. I think it’s because they both want to protect their independence and what they’ve been working for.” – Madeline Marzano-Lesnevich, President of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Who Are Prenups Good For? Although it may seem like a prenup is a “divorce contract,” many legal and financial experts view it as a smart business move. You may want a prenup if you or your partner: Own property or a business Have children from a previous relationship, or have been married before Plan to take time off to raise children Hold significant debt Have robust retirement accounts Will receive stock options during your marriage In some states, marital assets are divided equitably- but not necessarily equally- in a divorce. Individual assets will remain separate after you marry, future contributions and appreciation will usually be considered marital property. Talk to Your Partner, Sooner Rather than Later Do you think a prenup might be up you and your partner’s alley? Here’s the first step: Timing when approaching the topic with your partner Don’t try to hide or avoid it Explain this is the means of protecting yourselves, & any future children from the emotional and financial expense of a messy divorce. Assess Your Finances Hire a lawyer to assess your finances: Bank & Investment Accounts Tax Returns Insurance Policies Debts It’s also always a good idea to review your finances, especially before your merge your life with someone else’s. Decide What to Include The contents of your prenup vary depending on the situation, however, the top 3 topics include: Protection of Separate Property Alimony Division of Property Again, this varies on your marriage and what you wish to remain separate. One thing you MUST omit are the issues of custody or support for future children. Those decisions are made in the best interest of the child at the time. But, custody of pets is a different story. Hire Legal Help If you didn’t hire legal help in the beginning but you’re ready to make it official then call up a lawyer. It’s not cheap, but it’s best to have a set of legal eyes to ensure the protection of your prenuptial agreement. Pop Some Champagne As long as you work with your fiance as a team, a prenup can bring you closer together, rather than further apart. Even if you decide against creating a prenup, you should still celebrate because the open conversations you’ve had about money will undoubtedly benefit your relationship. You can help protect the romance by taking care of the finance.” -Charley Moore, founder and chief executive of Rocket Lawyer. For more information regarding prenuptial agreements between you and your future spouse contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law. Read the full article from Susan Shain  here.

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Larry Weiss from  nerdwallet  has enlightened readers on the common, but costly mistakes when it comes to your will and living trust. You’ve worked hard throughout your lifetime to provide for your family, save for retirement, and leave a legacy for your children and grandchildren. Now, you’re older and it’s time to put your estate in order. The first step is to set up a will and living trust to ensure your assets will benefit your loved ones, so they won’t have the grueling process of probate. Not so fast… Did you check the beneficiaries of your accounts? The Consequences of Not Updating Beneficiaries Many assets have their own beneficiary designations: Retirement plans, 401(k)s, 403(b)’s, pensions, & IRAs Annuities & life insurance plans Most people don’t check these… mistakenly thinking their will or living trust controls their distribution. The Limits of A Will Under the law, assets like IRAs are not subject to probate. They pass using the beneficiary designation and aren’t controlled by a will. The ONLY time a will controls a non-probate asset is if there’s no designated or beneficiary is the estate. Tidbit: The Supreme Court has ruled that your beneficiary designations on: Insurance policies IRAs & other retirement accounts will override the beneficiaries of your will in case of differences between the two. How to Protect Your Beneficiaries How can we ensure this doesn’t happen? UPDATE of beneficiaries should be included in your financial planning checklist: Review the beneficiaries of your non-probate assets every few years. Life changes &, over time, your beneficiaries might also. Make sure the beneficiaries of your will and a living trust are still appropriate. These precious documents will help your heirs avoid probate and allow you to establish beneficiaries for assets that don’t have specific beneficiary designations. You worked hard. Keep your hard work up to date so you can leave a legacy for your family. To learn more about avoiding costly mistakes that could hurt your assets contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law. Read the full article by Larry Weiss, CFP & CPA at  nerdwallet.

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Jennifer Wolf at VeryWell Family reminded readers about the importance of educating yourself on the various options regarding custody and visitation when going through a divorce. We understand being a single parent can be hard, but it’s necessary to explore the types of custody when dealing with a breakup. Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody Legal Custody refers to the legal authority towards major decisions regarding a child. Sole Legal Custody: The parent who is granted sole legal custody is the only parent with the proper authority to make decisions on the child’s behalf. ⦿ This includes: religion, healthcare, and education Joint Legal Custody: However, joint legal custody means both parents are given legal authority to make decisions on the child’s behalf. Parents who potentially share joint legal custody may not have joint physical custody. Physical Custody is the location where the child lives the majority of the time. It can also be called “residential custody.” Sole Physical Custody: The child physically resides at one location. Typically, the non-custodial parent is granted generous visitation rights such as sleepovers. Joint Physical Custody: The child lives with both parents, however, splits up the division of residency and time either during the week or year. Bird’s Nest Custody: Children live in one central location, and the parents rotate in and out of the children’s home on a regular schedule. Visitation Parent-Child Visitation allows parents who do not have physical custody to see their children on a regular basis Unsupervised Visitation: Parents are able to take children to their own homes or outings during their scheduled visitation (most common type). Limitations for visitation are specified in advance. Supervised Visitation: A separate, responsible adult will need to be present for the duration of the visit. Circumstances vary, however, the courts may allow the non-custodial parent to choose the individual to supervise. Virtual Visitation: Specifically, technology-based via video-conferencing can provide a sense of familiarity when parents and children live far apart. For more information: check out Wolf’s article at https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-child-custody-and-visitation-2997637. Do you need legal advice for your upcoming divorce? If you’re looking for representation to protect your custody and visitation rights over your child, contact David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law.

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Heather L. Locus writer for Forbes is warning people to finalize their divorce before the new year and the new tax laws of 2019. Balancing a healthy family during a divorce is never easy and the new tax laws have added an additional layer of complexity and urgency. While it is extremely important you do not feel pressured to settle, it is equally important you educate yourself on laws and tax codes which may have a lasting impact on your family’s future financial health. Move Fast To Control Taxes On Alimony Current law says alimony is a deductible tax for the paying spouse and taxable for the receiving spouse. Unfortunately, 2019 is changing the savings from this agreement. The change is permanent and will likely result in less alimony being paid to the receiving spouse. It’s estimated the elimination of this “divorce subsidy” will raise an additional $6.9 billion over the next decade for the government – meaning $6.9 billion less in divorced individuals’ pockets. It may result in non-working divorced spouses no longer being eligible to make IRA/Roth IRA contributions. Tax Benefits Of The Family Home Are Changing What’s going on with your home after the divorce is final? Well, the new tax laws may have decided for you. The new law is making it more expensive to own, sell, and acquire a home so ensure the best value of your home before it’s too late. Kids Are No Longer As Great As Of A Tax Deduction The new tax code eliminates the personal exemption amount for tax years 2018 – 2025, which means that you don’t get a multiplier of kids as a deduction on your tax return. Pre- And Post-Nuptial Agreements May Be In Jeopardy Couples with pre or post nuptial agreements should have their agreements reviewed to understand the impact of the new law. Any alimony provisions likely assumed deductible could change and there may be significant unintended consequences with the new law. To learn more about 2019’s new tax laws and finalizing your divorce visit David Veliz at Veliz Katz Law or read the full article here: Read More about this article here